Hen Night In
by l0stinl0ve
Summary: Narcissa hosts Hermione's Hen Night and shenanigans abound.


_Written for Round 2 of the 'Fanfiction Triwizard Tournament' and Potions category within the 'School Subjects Competition' and thank you to the lovely tygermine for the beta. Any mistakes are mine._

* * *

"What am I supposed to do while you're all partying? I'm being kicked out of my own house!" Draco protested. He was sitting at the end of the bed, in the guest room that was permanently reserved for his fiance, watching Hermione attempt to fix her hair.

"It's not my fault you mentioned Muggle traditions to your mother," she answered. She pulled her hair attempting to do something with it, then sighed. It never did what she wanted. She turned around to find Draco holding his hand out with a hair tie. She smiled at him. "I'm fairly certain Blaise is hosting a poker night for all the blokes who've found themselves alone this evening."

Draco contemplated the new information. He hadn't really spent any time with Blaise in quite a while - wedding planning and all. It would be good to get out and away from all the oestrogen. "Wait, when you say _all the blokes_," Draco did air quotes with his fingers - a favorite of his since he learned it from Hermione's father. "Do you mean Potty and Weasel will be there as well?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. They were all friends now, but all the boys insisted on referring to each other by the childish nicknames. She nodded in response and pushed him out of her room. "Go. I have to finish getting ready."

Before she could shut the door, he placed a hand on it to keep it from closing. He looked at her expectantly and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?"

She gave him a perplexed look but when she saw him lean in closer, puckering his lips, she chuckled and gave him a quick peck. "Be gone with you!" she said, shutting the door in his face.

* * *

Meanwhile, downstairs in one of the many rooms of Malfoy Manor, a gaggle of girls, friends of the soon-to-be married couple, were seated having tea. In the doorway, the two surviving Black Sisters were conferring with Bubbles, the house-elf, about the plans for the evening.

"Why are we sitting in the morning room, in our pajamas?" Pansy whispered - failing to mask the disdain in her voice - as to avoid Narcissa hearing her.

Luna, in her usual dreamy tone, responded, "Narcissa wanted to ensure that she respected Hermione's heritage by following some Muggle traditions."

"Do they wear pajamas to these hen nights?" Ginny asked, also whispering, with a face not too different than Pansy's.

All the young women scootched closer, wanting to hear the answer. Luna only shrugged while the rest of the guests had various looks of bewilderment.

Tracey, one of the Half-blood - quite possibly, the only Half-blood - attendees took pity on all the Purebloods around her, and enlightened them. "Well, the very few hen nights I've gone to," her voice trailed at the confused looks. She mumbled, "Muggle cousins," which earned several ah's from the guests.

"Anyway, on the hen nights I've gone to, we usually go out to a club for dancing, played games, and at one, there was even a male stripper!"

All the girls gasped, some in shock at the idea of a male stripper, and others shocked when Andromeda admonished a chuckling Narcissa.

"Draco has forbidden us from having a male stripper, sadly." Narcissa said between laughs, seating herself within the circle of girls.

There was a roar of laughter from the hallway causing everyone to turn to find Hermione hunched over, holding her stomach, as she tried to catch her breath. Every so often, the guests heard gasps of "Only Draco," and "Of course."

Hermione, finally catching her breath, stood up and walked inside to greet the guests. When she noticed everyone's attire, she felt overdressed in a simple cocktail gown in comparison to the pajamas - nightgowns in the case of Narcissa and Andromeda, and almost lingerie for some of her friends.

Narcissa noticed Hermione's discomfort and quickly transfigured the dress to a nice black silk nightgown that ended at her knees.

Hermione smiled at her soon-to-be Mother-in-Law in thanks. She sat down in the armchair that had a sash around it saying 'Bride' and picked up the little crown - noticing it was real diamonds - to place on her head.

Once Hermione was settled, Narcissa quickly clapped her hands. "Wonderful! Let's get started!"

The young women tried to hide their fear, but Narcissa was quick to catch on. "Don't worry, I just have a few games for us to play. Then gifts." She heard them groan and decided to guilt them into participating, "Olivia, Hermione's mother, and Andromeda were so helpful with planning this, we wouldn't want to disappoint them by not doing everything they suggested."

The girls blushed in response.

"Now, to start off, Bubbles will be bringing us all some pinaladas -"

"I think you mean pina coladas." Hermione interrupted.

"Thank you. Of course you'd know the name, it is your favourite, yes?" Narcissa asked.

Hermione nodded, pleased to have the alcohol helping her get through the night.

Bubbles, the Malfoy house-elf - that they paid, on Hermione's insistence - popped into the room with a tray full of bright glasses full of the alcoholic beverage, little umbrellas and all.

He started to disperse the drinks while Narcissa continued with the first game's instructions. "We will all share stories of a risque nature. Every time Hermione blushes, we take a sip of our drinks."

The girls all laughed, knowing that they would all be drunk very soon. Andromeda decided to go first and started, "When we were little, I was visiting our distant cousins Sirius and Regulus. We were playing in the hallway when we heard a heavy thump from one of the rooms. We went to investigate but ran away quite quickly. The thump wasn't something falling as we suspected, but the headboard of Aunt Walburga's bed hitting the wall as she sought pleasure. _Alone._"

The laughing escalated, especially when Pansy pointed out Hermione's flushed face. "You're redder than a Weasley!"

Before Ginny could retaliate, Hermione raised her glass in cheers and took a deep gulp. The other guests followed.

Narcissa, still laughing, "Oh, I have one better. This was just before Draco was born. But I was strolling through the Manor when I heard a grunt from a door that was left ajar. Before I could knock, I heard a masculine voice gasp, 'Abraxas' and was shocked to find my father-in-law wanking in front of a mirror!"

Pansy and Angelina fell out of their chairs. Ginny started choking and gulped her drink heavily. Bubbles walked around the room, refilling glasses as needed.

Hermione downed the rest of her drink before smirking. She held out her glass for Bubbles, whispering a polite thank you, before addressing the group. "Draco likes to... you know... in front of a mirror. I've caught him staring at himself once or twice."

The howls of laughter startled several of the portraits. Narcissa's laughs were the loudest and drew the attention of several Malfoy ancestors - at least the ones that were allowed to stay on the walls.

"What is this racket?" A waspy voice said, trying not to shout but still catch the attention of someone. "Excuse me!"

Andromeda was first to calm down and answered the ancestor, "Just trading stories and remarking the similarities of Malfoy men."

The ancestor, who identified herself as Henrietta Malfoy, wanted to join in on the fun. It wasn't everyday that the portraits found reason to laugh. "Oh, and how are they so similar?" she asked.

Narcissa responded, "Keep an eye out for Polyjuice, Hermione. I swear that I found some of it in one of our guest rooms. I'm almost certain it contained Abraxas' hair, as well."

The comment caused everyone to gasp in shock. Now, that was scandalous. Luckily, Hermione was very familiar with Polyjuice Potion. She tipped her glass, and mumbled, "Noted."

There were a few minutes of silence, everyone pondering the last story. Narcissa was getting antsy, fidgeting - as much as a Malfoy would, which was hardly noticeable to anyone but Hermione who would soon be one - thinking that she should have kept the last story to herself. Before she could change the games Angelina spoke up.

"I went on this date," she said in the direction of Ginny, "While on a break from George, mind you. And the shag was so... just... Guys really should whip it out beforehand to avoid serious disappointment. We've been out of school for nearly ten years, you'd think they knew this stuff. But no, they just revert back to sixteen-year-olds and can't finish the job."

While the girls were hooting and hollering, Angelina added, "Needless to say, George and I got back together right quick after that." She tipped her glass in Hermione's direction, who was blushing, and everyone took another sip.

"Now I feel I have to share. Hermione, forgive me, but I must." Pansy said. "This one time, I think it was either fourth or fifth year, but I went up to the boy's dorms to get them for dinner. I never knock, you all know that, and I opened the door to Draco, Blaise, and Theo all comparing the size of their cocks!" she howled.

Hermione, who was sipping her drink in preparation for Pansy possibly sharing something about her former sex-life with Draco, did not expect what was shared and promptly started to choke. Luna patted her back and everyone took another sip.

A few more stories were shared, and the ladies were well on their way to being drunk, when Narcissa called the game to a stop. "Ladies, let's move on! There is more fun to be had."

Andromeda continued - Hermione was glad that the two sisters reconnected - by explaining the next item, "We have hired a squib to come in and do tarot reading for all of us, but especially Hermione."

Lavender and Parvati squealed in delight causing laughter from everyone but Hermione. Hermione just groaned, tarot cards were worse than Divination.

"Now dear, it's just for fun. Your mother specifically suggested we do this. So buck up!" Andromeda chastised.

Before Hermione could apologize, an old woman - more like a crone, in Hermione's opinion - wrapped in colorful garb walked into the room holding a large purple velvet purse. She asked for the girls to move from one end of the coffee table and sat cross-legged on the floor before the entire group.

"Hello ladies," the crone started as she pulled a deck of cards from her bag. "Now, who should we start with?"

Hermione was busy downing another pina colada, so she pointed to Lavender. Ginny laughed at the bride-to-be's antics but scooted in closer to the table like everyone else. Bubbles continued to pour drinks to keep everyone on a happy buzz while they nattered on about the possible readings.

By the time Hermione was suitably drunk enough to have her cards read, Narcissa, Andromeda, Henrietta (the Malfoy ancestor), Lavender, Tracey, Luna, and Parvati had readings completed. Hermione was able to get out of it further by suggesting she go last. She giggled when an equally drunk Narcissa agreed and made Pansy sit in the 'hot seat' - the position directly opposite of the crone - to have her reading done.

Hermione continued to sip on her drink when Angelina and Ginny had their turns but frowned when the glass was taken from her hand. She wobbled when she got up from her seat, her crown needing to be readjusted, and walked over to the crone. Parvati turned her around back to the right direction and Lavender helped her seat herself without falling.

If Hermione wasn't about to have tarot cards read to her, she would have said she was having fun.

The crone shuffled the deck several times and then spread it across the table. "All right, Miss. Select six cards." she said.

Hermione perused the deck, unsure of what to pick. In her addled state, she started thinking how accurate this would be, or if it would be anything like Divination. She closed her eyes and pointed at random, having to repoint once because she pointed to the floor.

The crone flipped the first card, smiling broadly, "The Empress. This is how you feel about yourself now. This is a time for nurturing, a feeling of abundance, harmony, joy, and love." The crone laughed, "A time for motherhood. Are you sure you should be drinking so much?"

Several of the girls gasped, while others jumped to grab the drink out of her hand causing it to spill all over the floor. Luckily Bubbles was around to Spell it away. Narcissa was first to ask the question everyone was thinking, "Am I going to be a grandmother?"

Hermione almost wanted to say yes. Narcissa's face was full of hope and longing, but she just couldn't do that. "Of course not!" She shouted indignantly, "Do you t-think I'd let myself get t-this drunk if I was?"

Everyone shook their heads sheepishly. Hermione glared at the crone, upset that she killed her buzz. She signalled Bubbles for more pina colada and addressed the evil tarot reader, "Could it mean something else?"

The crone, suitably embarrassed was quick to respond, "The appearance of the Empress here could indicate that your mother or a mother figure could be of great significance or comfort at this time."

Narcissa sniffled and reached out to grab Hermione's hand. Hermione had to manoeuvre her drink to her other hand to accommodate, but was much happier with these results.

Pansy, who was growing bored, started tapping her foot on the table, gesturing with her hand for them to move on.

The crone flipped over the second card and smiled again. Hermione started to think it was rigged if she smiled over every result like that. "What you most want at this moment. Justice. The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is for a fair and right outcome."

Hermione heard Angelina mumble, "Obviously, after the last card, she'd hope the rest of her reading was fair and right." causing most of the girls to giggle and the crone to blush.

She was quick to move on. She pointed to the third card and told them it meant your fears and flipped it over. "The moon. Lies and insecurity are likely to be prominent in your life at the moment. You are afraid of being deceived and feel that you are being misled."

Hermione chuckled, sipping on her drink further. She wanted to say she did fear that, but so far, these cards were reading her right as far as her feelings about her cards being read. She confused herself and stopped thinking about it, downing the rest of her glass.

The crone pointed to the next card, telling everyone - who already knew, except Hermione, who wasn't paying attention earlier - that it meant what is going for you. "Wheel of Fortune. Call it fate or destiny but the run of good luck or good fortune you are experiencing or about to experience is mostly not of your doing - enjoy this time. If there seem to be a number of positive coincidences happening in your life this is known as synchronicity, go with the flow and trust it."

She scoffed at the result and nodded at the crone to continue. She wondered what would be next. She hoped it wasn't any more games. She eyed her empty glass and thought if another drink would be a good idea.

Before she could decide, the crone pointed to the next card, "What is going against you," and flipped it over. "If you allow fear to stop you from taking a chance or a new possibility then you will lose out. Acknowledge the fear and do it anyway."

Sure, she had the occasional cold feet, but what bride didn't? Of course she was going to marry Draco. She loved him. And she could deal with the crazy mother-in-law, she did wacky things out of love, Hermione knew. She looked around at all the guests, who were in various levels of intoxication. Her eyes landed on Narcissa last. Hermione smiled and almost reconsidered her outlook on tarot reading - she wasn't drunk enough to truly think it was real; she'd have to be passed out for that to happen.

"This represents outcome," the crone said. Her audience waited for her to flip the last card on bated breath, "The Magician. A time of positive outcome with great potential." Everyone laughed and smiled, happy with the final results. Hermione asked Bubbles to refill her glass and offered a drink to the crone.

The crone accepted, and toasted to Hermione, "The Magician is an excellent omen for success. To a successful marriage!"

Everyone shouted, "To a successful marriage!" and continued to drink.

When the crone left, most of the guests were on the tail-ends of their buzz. Narcissa, noticing this, decided to skip the other games she had planned - she was a little sad they wouldn't get to try karohkee, or whatever it was called, but she figured with a Muggle-born daughter-in-law, she'd get to try it out later - and went straight to gift giving.

"All right, we'll just exchange gifts now before bed." Narcissa said.

This perked everyone up. Most of the girls were excited to see Hermione's face when she opened their gifts. The Black sisters laughed at how quickly the atmosphere turned around.

"Me first!" Pansy called, shoving a large pink rectangular box tied in black ribbon. Hermione noted the glamour on the middle of the top, and was just barely drunk enough to let it slide. She knew Pansy didn't want Hermione to know the name of the place she got it from.

She pulled the ribbon off the corners, and slowly lifted the lid, barely peeking inside. She noted the amount of white tissue and could see lots of lace and quickly closed the lid. Her face flushed a bright red and all the girls were laughing.

"Well, what did she get you?" Andromeda asked, a knowing smile gracing her face.

"Nothing," Hermione rushed out, "Who's next?"

No one volunteered and Pansy rolled her eyes, grabbing the box and throwing the lid to the ground. She pulled out a lace up ivory silk satin corset that had suspenders connected to it. She waived it around so that the whole party was privy to it. She then put it back into the box and pulled out the next item, which was a flirty skirted brief. Everyone oohed and ahhed and then giggled when Pansy showed them the sheer back. Hermione only blushed harder, the flush probably reaching her toes.

"And last, but not least," Pansy said as she pulled out the last item from the box. Hermione actually liked this gift. It was a breathtaking french lace kimono.

Everyone clapped enthusiastically. Hermione gave a small smile to Pansy, knowing that she was embarrassed now, but wouldn't have the opportunity to be when she wore it for Draco. She started thinking about her wedding night and the flush on her face was turning to a flush of arousal instead.

She was pulled from her thoughts by Tracey calling out her turn. She handed her a small white gift bag. Hermione pulled out the tissue and laughed when she saw the item inside. "Did you and Pansy plan out my honeymoon?"

There was a quiet mumble of yes from several of the girls in the room, which only made Hermione laugh harder. Narcissa, not fully understanding the joke, asked what was in the bag.

Hermione embarrassingly pulled out the small box and handed it to Narcissa. Andromeda laughed as Narcissa read the contents out loud. "Geisha's Secrets Collection - sensual kit. This kit contains," Narcissa trailed off, embarrassed to be reading about her son's sex life and handed the box back to Hermione.

Angelina grabbed it before Hermione put it away and read what it contained out loud, "Intimate Kisses Aphrodisiac Oil, Exotic Aroma Bathing Gel, Sweet Snow Edible Powder, Erotic Massage Oil, Sensations Balm, Feather Tickler." She looked up to see Hermione glare at her and Narcissa hiding her face. "What? I wanted to know what it was."

Hermione shook her head and made for another gift. This was another gift bag, the tag read from Angelina, which made Hermione shake her head further. When she pulled out the gift, she laughed so hard, everyone was left wondering what it possibly could be.

Angelina answered the unspoken question before it could even be asked. "It's a 'New Husband Voo Doo Doll'. I doubt it works, but it wouldn't be a bad idea to leave it laying around as a reminder."

Everyone laughed in an uproar and continued to do so as Hermione opened the rest of the gifts.

The final gift was handed to her by Andromeda and Narcissa. Hermione unwrapped the present and found a beautiful photo album. She opened it and found a picture of her with Harry and Ron from their fourth year with a note to the side from her best friends. The next page had a picture of her with all of the D.A. and had small messages written by each member. She went through the pages noting that all were pictures of her with several friends, past and present. All accompanied a note. Some long, some short. By the time she reached the end, she was in tears and being hugged tightly by her soon-to-be mother-in-law.

When she finally got a hold of herself and left Narcissa's arms, she noticed that all her friends had left and Bubbles had just finished cleaning up.

Narcissa helped her stand and kissed her cheek. "Go to bed, love. Draco is probably worried about you."

Hermione nodded and did as she was told.

* * *

The next morning, Hermione was awoken by a bright glaring light and whistling. She hated whistling. She hated it even more when she had a hangover from hell. She threw a pillow over her head and groaned, trying to get comfortable again to fall back asleep. She felt rustling in the space next to her and the bed shifted as new weight was added to it.

The pillow was pulled from her head and a vial was placed at her lips. She sipped it down and the hangover slowly started to rescind.

"How was last night?" Draco asked.

Hermione turned to her side and snuggled into him, mumbling a quiet "good" before promptly falling back to sleep.


End file.
